How it feels to be a first time mum

Wednesday 2 May 2018

It's weird, when you're pregnant, you expect this little bundle of joy to just slot into your life, and you know what, they definitely do not slot into your life as easily as you would expect. You think life will carry on as it was before, just with some added poo-filled nappies thrown into the mix.
Before you could just go about your daily life, without having to necessarily worry about anyone else. Wanted to go for a shower, cool, you could just go. Wanted to go out for drinks with friends, wicked, let's set a date.
When you have a baby, people don't tell you about the little things in your life that will change, and that you are going to feel like you've lost part of your identity. You will trade your nights at the pub and staying out past midnight, for baby classes and talking to other mums, sharing birth stories.
Before, i was Courtney, whereas now i have an extra title, a title i longed for, a title that comes with so much work, the title of Mum.
You have this little baby who relies on your for absolutely everything, you must feed them, you must change them, you must wash them, basically you are keeping them alive. It's scary! You go from only having to worry about what your having for dinner, and if Netflix are releasing a new series any time soon, to focusing all your attention on to this little bundle of joy, who in a way has turned your life completely upside down. 
No one tells you about the hours you will spend trying to get your baby to take a bottle, along with the sleepless nights which could go on for months and the endless amount of nappies and baby wipes you will need! Also the most tedious job in the world being sterilising bottles, a job that is necessary but ugh, so boring. 
Gone are the days of being able to eat you dinner in peace, because i can guarantee you, the minute you sit down to take your first mouthful, they'll start crying, or want feeding, or just want a mummy cuddle. Gone are the days of having a lie-in, a nice relaxing bath or any other luxuries you used to indulge in on your own. You have a baby now, and now you will always be second best. I don't think some people realise that being a mother is a full time job, day or night, rain or shine, if that baby needs you, you're there. You don't get a break, you don't get a day off, and you most certainly don't get to take any "sick days", no matter how ill you may be.
One thing you may not of realised yet, is that TV Subtitles will become your best friend (if they weren't before, they definitely will be now!) - can't hear the TV for baby crying, gurgling, or just making as much noise as possible. Well, stick on the subtitles and you'll still be able to see what's going on with your favourite TV show, even if you can't hear it very well. (You have no idea how sad i get when the show i want to watch is either live or doesn't have subtitles!)
People will no longer be asking how you are, whenever you see someone you haven't seen in a long time, they won't be interested in you, they will just want to know how your baby is. how old are they, do they sleep through the night, are they on solids now, they are sooooo cute, etc etc etc.
You'll feel like you are constantly repeating yourself talking about that little life you created, and every time you tell someone about how amazing your child is, you are filled with pride.
You have gained the greatest gift of all, and even though i may miss having some time alone just to slob around and not having to rush for a wee in case the baby starts screaming, i wouldn't change it for the world.  
Gosh, and i haven't even mention how over-protective of your child you will be! Their temperature is 0.5 over normal, panic. Soft spot has dipped a bit, panic. A tad constipated, panic. Haven't taken their daily quota of bottles, panic. This is before their crawling and walking about because when they are, that is going to most definitely give you good reason to panic! But you will panic about everything, purely because you love them so much and couldn't imagine something being wrong with them.
Basically, the whole point of this post, is that without you probably even being aware, your life has been taken over by a child, and you've also acquired a full time job at the same time, and you know what? There is nothing wrong with admitting that there are going to be days where you struggle. 
Being a first time mum is hard! You've never done this before remember, so give yourself a break! It's like walking into a new job, being given all the tools but not knowing how to do it. Unfortunately, there is no instruction manual when it comes to having a baby, even though their needs may be the same, they are all individuals, just like us.
Just believe in yourself, because even though you may need a 5 minute breather to gather yourself, you can do whatever you set your mind to!

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